Explaining The Unexplainable
by blacksouledbutterfly
Summary: Puck's mother is the nurse at the psych ward in the local hospital. While dropping something off for her Puck sees someone he recognizes.


Puck doesn't like to go see his mother at work all that much. Not that he has a problem with her job but he just doesn't like going there. Hospitals tend to have an overly clean smell and there's something creepy about the sound of the shoes going across the floor. And the quiet. Unless there's an emergency in the ward where his mother works it's always very, very quiet. And the quiet is what kills him. Because it's like the calm before the storm. And when the storm comes there? Well, it comes hard and it can get messy.

His mother is a nurse at the adolescent psych ward. She had a chance to work in the adult ward but she felt more comfortable around the kids. Usually their stays aren't long-term. She doesn't have to look at the patients and think about how they very well may be there for life. But a lot of people that end up on the adult ward? They stay there indefinitely because some of them can't take care of themselves. And they don't always have family that can look out for them.

Sometimes he doesn't have a choice but to visit his mother at work. Sometimes she's so busy that she forgets things at home. Today is no different. It's a Saturday and she had to run around to get his sister ready for a sleepover she's having at a friend's house so she made sure that everything was packed and drove her over. And it wasn't until about eleven in the morning that Puck realized that his mother left her lunch at home. And for a handful of seconds he considered not doing anything about it but he knew he had to. So he grabbed her lunch and climbed into his truck, drove over there.

The fact is that the people there know him from the handful of times he's been there to see his mother. So he just stops at the front desk and the security officer sort of gives him a smile and calls up to the ward, lets them know he's coming up. He's not allowed to stay long but he never wants to so that's not a problem. The silence of the ward hits him as soon as he gets let through the locked doors and he knows his steps are hurried as he makes his way towards the nurse's station, stands there until his mother hangs up the phone and looks up at him.

She smiles and takes the bag from him, comes around to the front and gives him a hug to which he rolls his eyes in response, a response he's just sued to giving by then. Not because he hates his mother or hates that she shows her affection sometimes but because it's definitely not badass to have your mother hug you in the middle of a hospital hallway. But he lets her do it because he knows there's no fighting it. As soon as she lets go of him though he just wants to get out of there. The overly clean smell is starting to get to him.

So he turns and he heads back towards those locked doors- they'll let him out when he gets there so he doesn't worry about that. He's halfway there when he hears something, the only thing breaking the silence other than the sound of shoes. At first he doesn't know what it is, just that it's someone's voice. And then he realizes that it's singing. And it's about half a minute later that he realizes he knows the sound of the voice. That it's Rachel friggin' Berry.

Spring break has just started and she hasn't been in school for the last couple of days but as far as he knows she was just dealing with something with her fathers. Now he just figures that she's doing some sort of a charity thing. She does that a lot and everyone knows it but he can't for the life of him imagine why she would sing in a psych ward as part of an attempt at charity. But he's sure she has her reasons.

Turning slightly he makes his way towards the sound of the voice, pauses outside of the dayroom and looks in. Rachel's sitting there in one of the little chairs near the barred windows in one of her little skirts. And originally he had planned to go over there and talk to her but after a moment he realizes why that's such a bad idea. He sees that tiny little band around her wrist that says she's a patient there. He knows that's the only reason she'd have it. Visitors get a pass, not a wristband. Never a wristband.

For a whole handful of moments he just stands there and watches her as she looks out the window and sings as though there is nothing else in the world but the stuff she can see from the window and what song she's singing- he can't tell what it is and he's not sure he cares. But he's so surprised by her being there that he doesn't hear his mother coming up behind him, doesn't know he's there until she touches his shoulder and he jumps just a little.

"I thought you were leaving."

"Yeah…" His gaze remains on Rachel for a few seconds before he steps out of the doorway just in case she turns around. He's not sure why but he doesn't want her to see him there. Turning his attention to his mother his eyebrows furrow. "What's she doing here?"

"Who?"

"Who? Rachel."

"Rachel…" His mother watches him for a second and then looks into the room like she doesn't know who he's talking about but he doubts that's the case. He knows she's good with names and faces so the odds of her not knowing a patient's name are slim to none. But he lets her look and act like she doesn't recognize the name and waits for her to look back at him. "I didn't know you knew her."

"We go to school together," he responds casually. "We're in glee club together." That was the best way to explain their relationship. He's not about to tell her that they dated for a week- she'd ask him why he wasn't still with the nice little Jewish girl even though she's sitting there in a psych ward. And he doesn't want to tell her how complex things are with him, Rachel and Finn. That's all need to know and she doesn't need to know.

"Oh." It's not so much what she says but how she says it. It's the tone that tells him that she's not going to say anything more to him on the subject but they both know it's not going to get rid of his curiosity. They're not stupid enough to believe that, either of them. So when his mother gets home that night and he tells her in a very casual tone of voice that he's going to go visit Rachel the next day whether she likes it or not his mother doesn't seem even remotely surprised. And in the end she doesn't argue. It's something she knows is futile because when her son has his mind set on something? Trying to talk him out of it is like talking to a brick wall.

* * *

Technically he's not supposed to be allowed to visit her. Only family is supposed to be allowed in there to talk to patients on the ward but they let him in because he uses his mother as an excuse and doesn't feel even remotely guilty about it. He tries to rationalize that if she had just told him what was wrong with Rachel that he wouldn't have to go over there and violate the rules like that. But that's not even close to true. He'd still go talk to her anyway.

She's not in the dayroom when he gets there so he has to make his way down the hall until he finds the room with her first name on the wall next to the door- and he can only assume that it's her because it's the only Rachel he's seen. When he peers inside he sees her sitting there on the bed, her nose buried in a book. It's almost too casual looking for him to even process.

Lifting up one hand he knocks on the doorframe and when she turns her head and sees him there her dark eyes widen in surprise and she looks almost like she wants to crawl out of her skin though he's not quite sure why that is. Not at first. But then he can only reason that she's embarrassed that he's there. And his suspicions are confirmed when she opens her mouth and says his name in the most startled voice.

Now, he's not stupid. He knows that the rules say that guys aren't allowed in girl's rooms but he doesn't fucking care. He's not a patient so he doesn't want to follow stupid rules. And maybe it'll be less embarrassing for her if she doesn't have to talk too loudly though he knows that's probably not true. Still, he steps inside of the room and moves over to sit next to her with his hands shoved in his pockets.

She looks so, so awkward, like maybe she wants to crawl out of her skin and then she turns her gaze back down to her book like she can pretend he's not there when he knows that she knows that's not going to work. She's not foolish enough to think that'll _actually_ work but he understands why she's trying.

"Rachel." Reaching out he snatches the book out of her hands and closes it, put it in his lap and waits until she actually looks at him. Her eyes look haunted when they do. She's frightened though he's not sure it's of him or of the situation. And he hopes it's the latter because the idea of her actually being frightened by him isn't one he wants to entertain. "You mind telling me why you're here?"

"How did you _know_ I was here?"

"My mom's a nurse here. Saw you yesterday. Brought her her lunch." He shrugs, a casual gesture. "Does it matter?"

He can tell she wants to say it does but she looks away and sighs heavily. And that's when she starts to fidget, clicks the nails of her thumbs together. Normally it would be annoying but he can't bring himself to get angry about her doing it. But she just stops looking at him and keeps on clicking the nails of her thumbs together. That's all she seems to be able to do. And then in a sort of hushed whisper she says, "I'm crazy."

"No, you're not." Only she sort of totally is. But not in the psycho sort of way. She's crazy in the sort of way where she can get really annoying, where she can make people want to scream or rip their hair out but that's not the type of crazy that means she should be in that place. He honestly doesn't get why she's there. She's seemed a little off sometimes but not nuts. And only people who are totally nuts end up there, right?

"Everyone is going to think I am," she argues in that same hushed tone, looks back over at him slowly, watching him from under her eyelashes. "There's something wrong with me, Noah."

"There's something wrong with everyone. So, join the fucking club. We all got our shit."

"It's in my brain." He doesn't know what the fuck she means but that doesn't stop her from looking nervous about saying it. "There's something wrong with the chemicals in my brain. They're imbalanced. I get…I get so, so sad, Noah. So sad that all I want to do is sleep. And then…I get this feeling. Like I'm on top of the world. It's not normal. It's just not. And they…they want to try to figure out what they can do to help it."

He doesn't understand. Well, not really. He does in theory but he guesses no one can really understand unless they live it. But she looks and sounds so sad, so beaten down, so embarrassed to admit what she just did. She even looks like she might start to cry which he totally doesn't want because he's shit with girls in tears. But instead she just shakes her head and looks down at her hands in her lap. "They're going to treat me like a freak at school. More like a freak than they already do."

It's weird. Her being that sad makes him feel anxious. It makes something in his chest feel tight and he hates it. He really fucking does. It makes him feel like a giant pussy. But for some reason he doesn't like seeing her sad. He can't do shit about it and he knows that but he still doesn't like it. So without even realizing he's going to do it he reaches out and takes her hand in his, squeezes down until she turns her head and looks at him. "Yeah, well, you're a freak and you're crazy but…in a kinda cool way. Don't let anyone fucking tell you any different. You're fucking awesome."

She doesn't look like she believes him but she smiles nonetheless.

When his phone rings that night and it's her calling from the hospital he's almost tempted to hang-up on her just because he's not sure he wants to talk to her- and because he's not usually the nicest guy in the fucking world to begin with. But he just sits there and lets her talk to him, babble a little bit in his ear. He lets her talk about shit she probably didn't want to tell other people or even him but seemed like she felt the need to.

And sure, maybe he didn't really need to know all that shit but it was sort of cool to know shit about her that others didn't. And maybe talking about that shit would help. Maybe it wouldn't. But if she needed to talk? Fuck, he'd listen at least for a little while. And it might not do jack shit to help but in the end? Didn't matter. He was pretty sure she'd rather talk to him than talk to the people at the hospital anyway. So he's there for her despite everything. He lets her talk to him as much as she needs to, doesn't interrupt, doesn't protest. And she does it quite a bit. She calls him a lot and when he goes to see his mother he visits her.

He watches her as she slowly starts to seem like her old safe but then she stops looking like her old self, too. She tells him its part of her disease, that it means she can have mood swings and that she can have these extreme highs and extreme lows. But they're trying to find a way to help her, a medical cocktail that works for her. And it takes a long while for them to figure it out.

He sort of doesn't get it but at the same time? At the same time he tries to. And every time they're together he lets himself turn into a sort of therapist.

He isn't quite sure he'll ever understand it but at the same time he doesn't think he has to. All she really needs is someone to be there for her. And he isn't sure why it ended up being him but he doesn't mind.

He'll be there for her whenever she needs him. Even if she calls him from across the country after they graduate? He'll be willing to sit there and listen to her.


End file.
